Last night when I (28F) went to visit my boyfriend “Roger” (35M), I immediately knew something was off. He was quiet and distant on the whole ride over to his place, and then right when we got there, he acted like he was going to go to sleep and then just played on his phone. I knew he was in one of his moods and I hate when he gets like that because it takes forever to pry out of him what he’s upset about.
I finally managed to get the answer after about an hour of silent treatment. He claimed he had found porn of me and exploded on me for “lying to him about who I am”, and called me disgusting, trash, and a whore. I repeatedly told him that I never have and would never partake in anything like that, and that it must be AI. He refused to believe me and continued to call me a liar and a whore.
He went on a whole rant about how I deceived him, how I should have been upfront about it, and how “fake” I am. He claimed he acquired the videos from someone who is “very close to me”. Furthermore, he also claimed that he “knew it all along” and that he “had been seeing evidence” of it.
The so-called evidence was hearsay from people around town spewing bullshit gossip. I pressed him for the identity of the person who sent him the videos, and he refused. I asked him to show me the videos in question, and he also refused. He then went on a spiel about how he “forgives me”, to which I repeatedly insisted that there was nothing to forgive as I haven’t done anything wrong. After lots of back and forth of all this, I flat out told him that this was the worst thing he’d ever done to me, that he betrayed me on an immeasurable level, and that I don’t think I can forgive him.
Once I said this, he immediately started trying to backpedal. He started claiming he didn’t believe the gossip about me after all, and tried to profusely apologize and repeatedly tell me he loves me. I asked him how he expects me to believe that after all that he just put me through. He continued the same repetitive attempts at apologizing and telling me he loves me.
I started giving him the cold shoulder and got up to go play with his cats instead. After about half an hour of this, he started to have a complete breakdown. He sobbed continually and started to repeatedly try to touch and kiss me. I flinched every time he did and kept trying to ignore him in favour of the cats.
After an hour or two of this he started falling asleep. As much as I didn’t want to sleep at his place after all this I ended up falling asleep anyway myself. I woke up after I think 3 or 4 hours. He was awake and seemingly already had been for a while and went back to trying to touch me and talk to me. I played on my phone and gave him one word responses to everything he said. After another couple hours of this I told him to just take me home.
He drove like a maniac the whole ride to my place and knocked over my neighbour’s dustbin when we got to my street. As soon as we parked he immediately went back to the ad nauseam apology attempts. I gathered my bags and tried to get out of the car. He asked me if he could talk to me inside for a few minutes. I said no because my roommate might be home and I don’t want her hearing our personal business.
He then asked if we could drive somewhere to talk, and I told him no way was I going to let him make me late for work. I said that if he really wanted to say anything he hadn’t already said, just say it here in the car and get it all out in 5 minutes tops.
He did repeat a lot of the same stuff, but he threw some new things into the mix too. He claimed that he got so upset because he loved me so much, tried to swear up and down that he no longer believed the gossip about me or that the AI porn was real, and told me that he’ll never find anyone like me again. I told him I still don’t know if I can forgive him. He asked me if he could at least walk me up to my door and I told him I didn’t think that was a good idea right now. He started to break down again. It had been close to 10 minutes by this point.
I reiterated that I really needed to get inside and get ready for work. I got out of the car and started walking up to my door, and he tried to follow me. Furthermore, I quickened my pace, and he backed off. I got inside and got into the bath to freshen up before work.
During this time I tried to figure out who could have it out for me enough to create the AI porn of me and send it to Roger, and I came up with a suspect. A guy from my church, “Jack” (39M). Jack has had an unrequited crush on me for about 4 years now. I initially thought he was annoying but relatively harmless. He never went so far as to harass me, just repeatedly tried to ask me to be his girlfriend. I repeatedly rebuffed his advances, initially politely, but as he persisted, I got more and more blunt until last summer when I really put my foot down to him enough for him to finally seemingly back off.
I suspect Jack for a few reasons. The first being, he’s admitted to having a porn addiction before, and the second being, he’s extremely tech-savvy. He does freelance IT work. Maybe those two factors only seem like a coincidence, but I also remembered that a while back I had heard whisperings about Jack having harassment charges brought against him by a girl at his old church. At the time I brushed this off as a rumour, since like I said earlier, bullshit gossip is in no short supply in our town.
But now, I’m wondering if there may have been some truth to it after all and have seriously started questioning what Jack might actually be capable of. He has been more passive-aggressive lately, making remarks about wishing he had a girlfriend and how lonely he is. He even went on a whole rant recently about how nobody ever wants to hang out with him.
As for Roger, I found emotionally charged voice texts from him after I got off work tonight that all together were almost 20 minutes that could basically be summed as the following:
- More repetitions of sorry, I love you, and variations.
- Regurgitating the “I got so upset because I love you so much” excuse.
- Regurgitating the “I know I’ll never find anyone like you” sentiment.
- Talking about feeling sick, wanting to puke, having a headache, etc
- Saying he doesn’t want to live without me
- Offering to try to make up for it by buying me pizza
- Verbally beating himself up, saying that he deserves to have me abuse him, that he’s an over emotional bitch with a small dick, that sort of stuff.
- Wanting to buy me stuffed toys he saw at the dollar store.
- I’m special, one of a kind, not like “normal women”
I left him on read.